


Hard to Say

by bloodykiss147



Series: Out of the Game AU [2]
Category: half life but the ai is self aware
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff without Plot, M/M, mention of PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:34:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24913930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodykiss147/pseuds/bloodykiss147
Summary: Sometimes words can be hard to say even though they're really simpleSperate from the first in the seriesthough the background lore is the same as in the previous fic.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Coomer (mentioned), Tommy Coolatta/Darnold/Forzen (mentioned)
Series: Out of the Game AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787419
Comments: 15
Kudos: 168





	Hard to Say

**Author's Note:**

> Un'beta

Gordon and Benrey had been dating for a while now but neither said the big three words to each other. Gordon wanted to say it but deep down a little shitty voice told him not to, that it would ruin what they had once the bubble popped. The want was sometimes stronger but never enough to combat the voice.

\--

It was late, the room was dark with only the TV to light up Gordon and Benrey lounging on the couch. Gordon looks down slightly to look at Benrey; he watched the movie while Gordon watched him, Gordon's hand gripped the couch just above Benrey's head as he leaned it against Gordon's shoulder.

_ Say it– _

"B–Benrey."

"Hmm? What," he said.

When he looked up at Gordon instantly the words died in his head; the faint light glowed in Benrey’s eyes making it almost shimmer. Gordon gulped, he could feel a drop of sweat on his brow.

"The _ – _ the uh movie is pretty good so far," he said, lamely.

"The main character is a bit of jerk," he said and went back to watching the screen. 

Benrey went back to watching the movie so Gordon kept his mouth shut. Gordon dropped his hand instead to wrap around Benrey. He could feel Benrey turn his head, peck the back of his hand before turning back to the screen.

_ He didn't need to say it tonight _ , he thought to himself.

\--

Their first real date was going better than Gordon had hoped. They were enjoying dinner at a local hole in the wall restaurant Benrey recommended. The waitress even knew him by name which piqued Gordon's interest.

The building was mostly empty; they were left mostly alone during the meal too, Gordon could feel their legs bump against each other. Gordon enjoyed having Benrey close, like a weird rock. When Gordon finished his meal he had nothing else to keep his attention so he watched Benrey gnaw on a rib– which Gordon chuckled because it was mostly bone.

"What? Something on my beautiful face," he said.

_ Say it. _

Gordon got that nervous feeling again, "no, just," he looked away, flushed.

"Oh, I get it," Benrey puts a rib on Gordon's plate. "Always happy to share," he said.

Gordon smiled at Benrey and ate the rib; which was really good, he thinks he should order them next time. 

He chose to forget about what he really wanted to say, for now, it probably wasn't a good time anyway.

\--

They had Joshua for the week; Gordon couldn't tell who was more excited for it, Joshua or Benrey.

Most of the week was warm but not comfortable so they spent most of the days outside. Joshua would find a bug or rock to give Benrey, who would in return make up names for them. When Joshua wanted to run around Benrey chased him until he fell into the dirt, tired and sweating.

"You killed Benrey, bud," Gordon called over to Joshua.

"Benny! Nooo," Joshua waddled over and threw himself onto Benrey, both of them forced out a little oof.

That night was warm and without a cloud in the sky so they had a little camping trip in the yard. Joshua slept between them.

"He's a cool little dude," Benrey whispered.

"He thinks the world of you," Gordon whispered back.

"Pogs, cringe baby likes me," he said.

Gordon snorted, he had to laugh into his pillow. "Benrey, I–" he wheezed.

_ Say. It. _

But he can't; he stopped himself once again, though mostly because he hasn't caught his breath. Benrey put an arm over Joshua to touch Gordon.

They tangle their hands together, Gordon couldn't see Benrey in the dark of the tent but was glad Benrey couldn't see his blush as well.

\--

They celebrated the 4th of July at Coomer and Bubby's house. When the sun went down everyone made a spot and waited for the town's firework display to start.

Tommy, Darnold, and Forzen took a blanket and sat in the grass together. Forzen and Tommy leaned on either side of Darnold with their soundproof headphones on. Coomer and Bubby sat in chairs close side by side, they shared a blanket across their lap. Benrey put down a blanket for them to share.

Both of them sit down; Benrey cuddled close, Gordon kissed the top of his head. 

_ Say it! _

"I–" The fireworks started cutting him off, the first bang made Gordon jump out of his skin. 

His heart started to race, his hands shook in Benrey's unmoving ones. Benrey kissed Gordon on the lips while rummaging in the bag he brought along with him. Gordon tried to get into the kiss but when the world shook with the vibration, he would flinch. They part, with his eyes still closed Gordon only feels Benrey putting something on his head, then silence.

Gordon opened his eyes, he touched the pair of headphones Benrey had placed on him. 

Gordon kissed Benrey, "thank you," he said.

They watch the rest of the fireworks hand and hand.

\--

He shouldn't find it so hard to say, he knew it was true and he's sure Benrey would love him too. Sometimes the thought that Benrey wasn't serious scared him silent.

\--

They play video games together a lot, often very little gets done between Benrey fucking about and Gordon trying to one-up him.

Benrey's favorite way is to try and take the controller from Gordon mid-game. That night was typical, they sat on the floor with their backs to the couch. Gordon was in the lead when Benrey threw his body sideways onto Gordon before his hands were pinned by Benrey he lifted them and continued playing.

Once that didn't work Benrey went to plan B, he batted the controller from below like a cat with a string.

"Stop, you cheater!" Gordon yelled.

"No," Benrey laughed.

_ Two can play at that game _ , he thought. Gordon bent over to scoop Benrey up and sit him in his lap. He is able to take the controller from him, Benrey tried and failed to reach for it. Gordon blew raspberries onto Benrey's throat making him giggle, he nearly flung himself backward.

_ Say it, say it, say it! _

Gordon stopped laughing along; he didn't stop smiling at Benrey, their eyes met. Gordon can see that shine in Benrey's eye again.

"What's up?"

Gordon can feel his heart race, "I love you," he said.

Benrey doesn't look surprised, "poggers." He said with a huge smile.

"Benrey! I'm serious."

"I know," he said. "I love you too, man."

Gordon turned red, "I wanted to say that for so long," he said.

Benrey snort, "what took you so long?"

"I was nervous it would scare you off," he admitted.

"I've loved you this whole time," he said with a shrug.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Benrey shrugged, "just thought you knew."

Gordon sighed, "I love you," he kissed Benrey.

Nothing felt different but maybe love is more than just three words.

**Author's Note:**

> Can I get a heart in the comments for loooove
> 
> https://vetraandgarrusaremyboos.tumblr.com/


End file.
